Na Jaane kyu yeh hota hai zindagi ke saath ...

Baba, Was this a right decision? I am scared... i am very scared....Whenever i sit, i think i should be here with amma.... Working and helping everything here....... That day baba after u left us, Chinna baba had scolded me for saying i wont join MBA.. ! He said he was my baba too and i shouldnt be doing anything stupid unless i show him a job which pays equivalent to a job which i get after my MBA........ I did not want to hurt him then and i thought if u were there, you would not cross a line drawn by your brothers.... out of that respect i agreed to go for my MBA baba...! Now i am very scared.... how are we going to manage finances? And this big house without you..!! Feels empty without you.. I am not able to look into your eyes.. i meant in your pictures.. Feels like i am doing something really wrong.. Of all the things i am living with the guilt conscious that i have neglected your health in the ending thinking that you are taking care of yourself and i should not force you into anything......i repent that baba.......... i should have done things like how i always do........ i feel extremely guilty for going out on my birthday ! And now of leavng my job...

Every small thing seems so difficult baba after you....... Its not that i did not realize it would be like this.. but baba after u left us, lot of things changed.... Lot of people changed...... who we thought were our well wishers dint turn out to be one.. Baba one thing is for sure,.. We have got a veryy good family..... I am glad i am born in this family.. everyone are so supportive. Its true baba.. in the times of Pain, only the family stands by you.......! And The hole i was talking about now became numb to the pain...... There is that hole, but the pain is not being felt.... i am afraid ill get used to living without you.. i dont want to get used to it baba.. i hate it .. living without you.. But .. This god damn life still is going on ! :(