2011 - the year i hate the most.......

2011 is coming to an end baba, without u....! Its not easy and that i have only been telling u all over again.....well this year, shiva went on to do his law, i came for my MBA.... coming 5-6 years are going to be so taxing.... Every time i think of managing brothers, i find it sooo much more tiring thn usual... Baba, i wish i wud be like you after you......!! i hope i live upto your expectations!! its the biggest responsibility u have given me baba...... i hope i do complete justice to it :(

tdhg

As time is progressing the number of posts are also decreasing..... it is like i completely forgot what happened and suddenly in between it hits me..... It hits me very hard that you were there at one point of time and now ... u r not ! it is extremely difficult baba... i am glad u r gone sometimes.. u dont have to deal and see a lot of things here... or may be things are like this because u r gone !! i dunno which of the two it is... But yes things have changed drastically.. and i hate this change.! I hate this life too..... god knows wht this is.... Death Birth... Whats the point in having attachments when one day you should let it all go? i read the list u have written for ur self.. i also do not want any attachments baba, but at the same time if someone does anything remotely hurtful for brothers or mom i cannot stand it... That person has to be killed type feeling i get

When Death Knocks at your door,....it kills every1 in that house

Baba, life is going on.. its more than 6 months u left us and we are all alive and moving on...That part i hate the most.... New year is cmng in baba...... Last year same time we were all at home...... i want my life back..... over all 2010 was a disaster. .. i worked super hard to become an HR but to gain something i had to lose something..... i lost you instead.. if i had even a small hint that my life is going to take a total turn, i would not have left my job baba..... i feel helpless....... im desperately in need to come to you..... i need gandhinagar... its like a drug which i am addicted to.. i need to see your office , our home , our memories to live peacefully again.... But again im so worried about finances, since u r gone , me and shiva had to join our professional course.... i always remember ur words.... nw when i want to go home, i cannot baba.... one of us have to control our finances....... and now it has to be me....... And i need you..... Give me one hint atleast.. Should i go to hyd or no??

One last conversation..!

Baba, all this while i really thought that i have accepted a lot of things in life, i have accepted your absence more than anything, but off late baba, i realized i did not....... i intentionally dream of you.. i play the entire scene of your death again and think what all i can make alright and what all i should have done to get things right..... At what moment u knew ki u r not gonna survive,, i knew frm the moment u asked me to put you on a ventilator you have given up on living. i knew you have stopped trying from then on.. .. Oh god baba, its like not sharp knife going into your heart....I miss you baba, i wish i could have one last conversation with you..!!

Pain is back...!!!

What else to say>? Past few months i have only been ranting about how much it hurts.... and everytime this comes back, its back with vengeance..!!! it just gets intense .. .. .. i wish i could cry on ur shoulders.!!!