Not to question Why, But to do and die..

baba, i dont have the guts to check what shiva jaya and teju are going through ....... As in i dont want to know what they felt and how they are trying to cope up with your loss.. I cannot be helpless..... i cannot stand the pain either..... i dont know why i want to relive the whole past, i want it back very badly... !! I want to take you to the doctor earlier...... i will not go out on my bday.......i would do so many things different....... Slowly u r fading away into the past baba....... i dont want that to happen. I want you to be here....... Very much here !!! i have resigned to my fate baba...... i have realized the more i thnk things are getting better, god makes it worse for me... wat else did i need in life baba.... i got an mba seat, u liked rohit., u guys were getting along well.. i remember last when both of us cooked when rohit had come home.... I remember you tellng him that u r trying to teach me cooking and by the time i get married u will definitely teach me cooking..... u have broken so mny promises..... why did have to happen with me only baba? i loved you and i did it with all my heart.. i never did anything wrong to anyone...then why this? what is the medicine for loss of urself.? i hate this uncertainity. I hate it when i dont know where yu are and how u r!

i dont know when i would rest forever.. But when i do, i promise..... ull b the first person i would look out for ..!!! Remember this , wherever u are, ull have to come down for me...... u only used to tell me, when i want something with all my heart and have immense determination, even fate and god wud bend for me........ And u have no choice .!! i want you with all my heart....... ill never ever give away ur memories to any one at any point !!! you will have to come .... you will come one day looking for me....... And il be right there !!